What keeps me going?

I wonder what keeps me going.
Monsters around me can't knock me down.
I am always bruised and beaten but I quickly stand up and dust myself off.

What keeps me going, I want to know in particular.
I always feel like giving up but I would still see myself hanging,
floating back to where I was.

Monsters are back. Bigger and tougher.
They are here to eat me!!! Alive!!!

So Abby, what keeps you going?
Can you still manage to be toughet than these monsters?
They will eat abd tear you into pieces.
You can run but you can never hide.

Be eeasy. Prepare yourself.

Go na Go!!!

Gusto na ayaw.
Oo na hindi.
Daming choices, walang mapili.
Masayang hindi.
Malungkot ng konti.

I'm taking chances.
I'm in for the challenge.
Bring it on!!!

:)

Ready na akong magsimula, mapagod, magkamali at higit sa lahat...
makagawa ng mga bagay na masaya akong magkakamali at masasaktan.

BIENVENIDA.

Finally, this day arrived.
After waiting for 61 days, I saw a ray of light.
I have to put all my burdens and problems in a box.
I am now passing all of these to you.
Your original possessions which I must admit, you handled them well.
(I was a rookie. I was just behind you before, I never knew how much that problems could hit me right into my face. For that reason I would like to thank you!)

As I hand you over this imaginary box, I will take a huge step towards improvement.
I must say, this 2-month experience made me jump miles from where I was before.
I was now exposed to everything I never used to deal with (100%). Almost on my own.

Though this someone would keep on telling me that all of these are petty and not-so-stressful, I have realized how much hard work, patience, tolerance and 2 PRO's (PROductivity and PROactiveness) this work requires. It's not easy and it will never be easy.

Because of this experience, I had a clearer picture of what I really want and where would I like to be few years from now. :)

Drama Queen.

I thought I already knew everything about you.
Enough to make me say that I know exactly how things work for you.
This control-freak side of me tells me that I have already learned everything I should and I should not learn about you.

There are this moments when at one point I can say I know you deeply then there comes this weird instances that I would just talk to myself and say, "DO I KNOW HIM THAT WELL? I GUESS NOT. HE SEEMS LIKE A TOTAL STRANGER TO ME. WHO THE HELL IS HE?.

Hey! Questions. Confusion. Drama. Start to linger around me, READY.
Visit me after I roll the credits.

Pathetic.

Pathetic.
Miserable.
Awfully tired.
Lost.
Wretched.
Mad cow.
Problem magnet.
Crazy.
Lame.
Sick and tired.

I've had enough saying that I already had enough of these shits.
I wonder what the hell is with me, why I am still here?
Talk about immunity dear. Why can't I have that?

Spending more than a year but I still don't know the name of the game.
I'm still lost, still in despair and still crying out for help.
Can anyone save me from the monsters I have created?

Damn those monsters I created!
I made them out of great efforts and hard work, look where they got me?

Go ahead BAD NEWS. MAKE MY DAY.

STRESS.

Super stressed na ko for the past few days and knowing the rule, "Wag mong dalhin sa labas ng office ang stress mo sa trabaho", Ayun.

Dinala ko at ninamnam ko pa ang stress hanggang sa paglabas sa office.
I was short tempered, hot headed and I have NO PATIENCE, I mean NO, WALA, ZERO tlga. Simple things would irritate me. I'll get mad for petty reasons.

I guess it could have been better kung umuwi na lang ako after office at magmukmok sa bahay but I didn't. I knew I can always rely on you, my stress buster and a good meal for dinner would calm me down.

And so, the very short tempered me got mad at you for simple reasons. I knew, you would understand me and how stressed I was so I expect you to stay calm and blank.
But you didn't. Unlucky me. (:p)

The next thing I knew, I was disappointed and so are you. SILENCE.

Then this incident happend again last night, (courtesy of me ofcourse). Ayoko kasing tumahimik na lang while all along, masama pa rin yung loob ko sa nangyari.

It was very mature of us to talk it over personally and calmly. We were expressing our thoughts towards the incident. You were telling me that I was inconsiderate and
very impatient. I was arguing that you should have listened, stayed quite and sabi ko nga "SANA HINDI MO NA SINABAYAN YUNG INIT NG ULO KO". (Very bossy me. hehe.)

Blah. Blah. Blah. Talk. Talk. Talk.
Then you popped this question out, " So anu bang gusto mong mangyari?".
Dun ako natameme. Am I arguing because I wanted to end this? Or I just want to save this?.

We both knew it. We just want to save the relationship ang encourage each other to be better. Admit that we have our flaws. We are not perfect and parehas kaming nagkamali.

PEACE. LOVE. HAPPINESS.

KAYO NA PO ANG BAHALA. *AMEN*

Bago maganap ang isang madugong komprontasyon, gustong kong i-document ang nararamdaman ko ngaun.

Honestly, wala pang malinaw na picture. Pero sa mahigit isang taon, alam ko na kung anung papupuntahan ng usapan hndi lang ng isa kundi ng dalawang tao, dalawang magkaibang tao, 1 desisyon.

Una kong gustong gawin ngaun ay umiyak, umiyak ng major major!!!! Umiyak ng umiyak hanggang sa wala na akong maramdaman. As in wala. Negative. Yung tipong mas masakit yung mata ko kesa sa nararamdaman kong panghihinayang, galit, pagod, kawalan ng pagasa at lahat ng mga masalimuot kong nararamdaman.

Parang awa nyo na, LAYUAN NYO AKO!!!! TANTANAN NYO AKO!!!!!

Sunod na gusto kong gawin ay kainin ng lupa for 1 week hanggang sa humupa ang problema. Malayo sa stress. malayong malayo sa mga problema. Malaya ako sa mga responsibilidad na hinihila ako papalapit sa problema.

Utang na loob. Mga bagay na pinaghirapan mong gawin, buoin at asikasuhin. Isang araw, mawawalang lahat. Hindi lang basta mawawala. Iiwanan ka ng matinding problema.

Iisipin mo na lang, PINAGHIRAPAN KO PA LANG GUMAWA NG PROBLEMA. AYOS.
Kung alam ko lang, hndi na sana ako nagpakahirap.

Gusto ko rin ngayong magpainject ng anesthesia. Please now na. Gusto kong maging MANHID!!!! Pleaseeeeeeee....

Gusto ko rin tumakbo pauwi sa bahay. MAMAAAAAAAAAA!!!



Pero higit sa lahat, gusto kong magdasal.
LORD KAYO NA PO ANG BAHALA. Kung anu;t anuman ang mangyari, alam ko pong hindi nyo ako pababayaan.